I attempt to write about what it's like taking care of my mother with serious memory loss. A couple of diseases, some stroke activity in the past and several other things contribute to these circumstances. Grief, notwithstanding. Add in a couple of surgeries on a collarbone and welcome to my mom's world.
I've tried to write out my day in, day out situation - but it never comes out right. It sounds like whining 99 percent of the time and that is the last thing I'd like to be projected upon this circumstance.
So here's some scoop:
- It's hard enough watching anyone's memory diminish, but then having to be the kind, patient human that tends to reminding makes it a bit more challenging as the daughter.
- It's not a half day, sit on the couch and eat bon bon's the other half of the day kind of a gig here - it's 24/7. I don't rest well often, unless, seriously gratefully, my aunt is here for the night, as I'm always concerned about a fall or some other kind of health issue
- I'm almost always half awake. I have always been a night owl and now I that I comprehend I was saving up and that now it's related to the fact that it's the only time I have to sit and write and think and watch what I want and not answer questions for others - I can turn into me again. Then I hear mom pop up in the morning, and up we go and onward.....no calling in sick, no naps without interruptions - it is what it is.
- I manage to shower about two to three times a week, as it's not comfortable to leave the room and wonder what might be happening 13 stairs down with my feet all slippery
- There is nothing more profound than having your mother thank you for your presence. Period.
- There are days that I think I might lose my mind. These are the days I forget to ask for help. From people, from the animals and even God. On the best days I actually come to my senses and remember that all is possible with love and answers aren't mine until they are given.
- Without a support network - including family, friends, music, animals, books, therapists there is no possible way to do this type of deep care.
- When someone tells me "well, I can do dinner on Tuesday at 7" and I cannot it's frustrating to not only you maybe, but even more to me.
- I'm so grateful I've studied some of God's work in giving it up to the Divine. I'm so grateful our housekeeper (a) for her and (b) that she changes our family bible to a different page each time she comes to clean. While she may not speak English, nor I Spanish, we find a place of communication that awes me each week.
- I'm NOT as exhausted as I think I am. I'm not as exhausted as I think I am. Did I mention? I'm not as exhausted as I think I am.
- Or maybe I am. Did I mention I'm caffeine free (mostly) for the reasons of lack of sleep I mentioned above?
- I do NOT feel trapped, that is so amazing to me even as an introvert. I love being a homebody. We have a delightful woman that comes in a couple of times a week to take care of mom while I run about town, and my aunt is nearly always available.
- Planning sucks. I currently have 5 doctors appointments I'm trying to schedule in for mom - might actually be more than that soon.....and no matter who is here or what is happening, that is priority one. And it's paperwork and and and and
- Please never use the phrase
"'be sure to take time for yourself" unless you plan on being here to hang with my mom while I'm buying bon bon's. Seriously. That is not an option. Or you could just send bon-bon's. (just a thought, though I don't like chocolate as much as my mom)
- there are MOM DOWN days. This means nothing else is priority. Other than feeding and watering the animals. Gotta stop the earth for a bit, answer multiple questions
over and over again, gotta be sure SHE KNOWS she's certain she has a will and so on.....
- Grieving is a state of mind I've learned a) to exist within (whether it be pre or current related) and b) not have a true chance to do
It's incredibly challenging to be a caregiver in the first place. Many of you are right here with me in my heart and it may be that I'm writing an outline for a book about this kind of thing.....thanks for the read. And for those fellow caregiving peeps out there - wow - Amen - big love and gratitude.
Love,
This Mermaid
P.S. I love you more than ever, Mom o' mine.
