One of the more challenging roles I've uncovered in the four years I have been giving care to my mother with Alzheimer's/Mixed Dementia is being the "gatekeeper".
Some people just assume it's fine to just come by when they wish. Others call begging for time. In our current phase, mom's rest and healing of her shoulder is more important than visitors that sometimes make her uncomfortable. The last thing she needs is more confusion, frustration or any sort of circumstance that may make her more "lost".
I realize people miss my mom. I realize people are concerned she may "forget" them. But I also realize that her health comes first. And, if anyone thinks it's easy for me to say "NO, not today or I'm not sure when just now", then they don't truly know or trust me. Heck, I'm even guilty of having a pal of my own over on a day that maybe was filled with discombobulation. But I'm still in training.
So, when I have to say "no" to you, please don't take it personally. Please understand that this period in our lives is all about my mom's well-being. I don't want to call it my "job" to caregive my mom - because it is an honor; but I do appreciate anyone who respects my judgement on why I have to say "no" sometimes.
It's called boundaries and it's finally time for my family to set them.
Big love.
